Aloha from the Big Island!
Preaching is getting easier. I’m not as nervous every time, but I don’t spend as much time working at the church as i thought. My heart is still very much with YWAM, so I do both. Staying up here at Gerry’s place a couple days a week is good. Although it’s not a permanent arrangement. I probably went back and forth to Kona 7 times this past week. This morning she told me she might have someone to buy the house anyway. I always love it when people downsize.
Sometimes I feel like I’m wasting my life… that someday I’ll wake up with terrorizing regret about never really having done anything with the only life I’ve been given. But I know what that’s about. It’s about trying to bring something spectacular to the table. I want to be a genius at something. To bring some impressive contribution to the planet. Truth is… people just want love and friendship anyway. It’s mostly just, “Are you going to be here for dinner?” or “Will you be home for Christmas?” Not, “What great book are you writing?” Let’s face it. There’s only one Elvis Presley.. one Einstein. The rest of us are here mainly to love each other and that IS our great contribution. Just being a regular person walking the earth, a man among men, a loyal friend, a good brother or son, a faithful worker, honest-a person who makes time for people, and all that. As men (males), we want to put our identity in what we do quite a bit. That’s probably a lot of the reason we try to become doctors and lawyers… so we have something to tell people when they ask… not because we care about law or medicine.
I do have to admit, I’m always a little jealous of the person leaving. Gerry is taking her stuff to Good Will, giving things away, downsizing and getting ready to leave town. It’s a healthy process for a new widow. Her life is different now. She doesn’t need a house full of stuff anymore. She’s being bold and courageous, leaving the old and heading out for the new. The dawn of an era… i love it!
I remember when a couple of the “Around the World” DTS girls came through and visited me when I was working in Montana in 2013. They were “on the road” and I hooked them up with a place to crash. I took them out to breakfast, sent them on their way, and went back to work. They got into their old car, north-bound for Calgary, Canada. For whatever reason, that left an imprint in my mind. I thought, “I’m in the wrong spot here. Next time I’m gonna be driving that car.” I guess I’d always rather be the one “setting sail”.
Saying goodbye to Gerry feels like that. “Wait! I should be the one leaving.”
Even as Pastor Derek handed over the keys to the church and gave me all this stuff when he went to Colorado, all I could think was, “I’ll hold this stuff until the next guy gets here.” But my mouth just said, “Ok, thanks.”
There’s peace about it all though.
None of it is “mine” or “permanent” anyway, not even my talents. I’ll just bring the Word the best I can until someone comes along to take over… After all, we are only stewards of the gifts of God for now.
“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10
- I looked up the word “steward” and it means “a person employed to manage another’s property”.