Been thinking about faith. I’m here in YWAM surrounded by all these people and all this action. There is so much going on in this life of studying and business, but when you take it all away, what’s left over? What happens when it gets quiet? What’s that a sign of? If I go the route of having a family, there’s that to rest on until that’s over. I guess I hope whatever I am putting my faith in outlives me because if I outlive it, then the test is on. Once whatever earthly thing I am putting my faith in dies or goes away, what’s left?
Is the faith I profess enough to get the job done? What happens when it’s just God and me? I think that shows who I really am.
God gives us things to do, but they are not Him. They are tasks to be done, but not to be worshipped. What is the difference between worshipping a thing or a task and just doing something well and being into it? This trial comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Some people go through it young. Some when they are older, some never seem to have to, but who am I to say who’s going through what?
I want to know if I have what it takes… I mean me and God. I want to pray for that, but I’m scared to. Be careful what you wish for, right? I think the same thing applies to prayer. Prayer works, so I take it seriously. God is that loving toward his people. If the whole thing I have my hope in is nothing but a house of cards, he loves me enough to knock it down.
What is the chaff, the dross, the garbage, the dead weight attached? Do I see things as they really are or even want to? What are the things that I think are of God or came from God but do nothing but help me live my illusion? Do I have the guts to ask him to take everything that is not of him and burn it right up?
“…you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see. Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent…”